02/07: Dear Dr. Anna,
Dear Dr. Anna,
My penis has been itching. Any ideas why?
Scratchy in Seaville
Dear Scratchy,
Someone is probably talking about it.
My penis has been itching. Any ideas why?
Scratchy in Seaville
Dear Scratchy,
Someone is probably talking about it.
02/07: Dear Dr. Anna,
Dear Dr. Anna,
I need surgery, but have no insurance. Would you be willing to perform the operation for a reasonable price?
Sick in Shiloh
Dear Sick,
I was a whiz at the operation game as a kid. And I create wood sculptures. Carve a chunk out of one object , and you’ve carved a chunk out of them all. How hard can it be? Sure, I’ll do your surgery. BYOS! (Bring your own scalpel.) And since my “anesthesia supplier” had to leave the country in a hurry, you probably want to bring some of that, too, but bring enough to share!
I need surgery, but have no insurance. Would you be willing to perform the operation for a reasonable price?
Sick in Shiloh
Dear Sick,
I was a whiz at the operation game as a kid. And I create wood sculptures. Carve a chunk out of one object , and you’ve carved a chunk out of them all. How hard can it be? Sure, I’ll do your surgery. BYOS! (Bring your own scalpel.) And since my “anesthesia supplier” had to leave the country in a hurry, you probably want to bring some of that, too, but bring enough to share!
06/11: Dear Dr. Anna
Dear Dr. Anna,
I have been married for 3 years. I love my wife, but I find myself feeling more and more resentful of our lifestyle. I work hard-lots of overtime-at a job that I hate, and my wife, while she does use my income to pay the bills, she also spends most of her time shopping for curtains, shoes, and something called “hobo bags”, although she has a closet full of purses and pocketbooks that she never uses. When we married, we agreed that she would stay home to take care of the house, and eventually the kids, but she doesn’t think “it’s the right time” for children yet. When I come home, she’s polishing her nails in front of the Women’s Entertainment channel, and is now talking about buying a larger, more elaborate home! Should I confront her, and suggest that maybe she could start to pull her own weight by getting her own job?
Lacking in Lakeview
Dear Lacking,
You need to ask yourself a question before you drop this bombshell: How much do you enjoy vagina? Sure, you could suggest that she gets a job, but I guarantee her vagina will be off limits to you, and it will eventually lead you to divorce court. In that case, she will end up with the house, half your salary, her hobo bags, copious shoes, curtains, and maybe even your car, which seems more than fair to me.
Dear Dr. Anna,
I live in Maine and would like receive child support from my husband (I refuse to give him a divorce), even though two of our children are adults. I know if I do this, it will be an amount that will be a serious strain on his lifestyle, and honestly, I don’t need the money, especially for the grown children. Do you consider this to be unethical?
Malicious in Maine
Dear Malicious,
No, it’s not unethical at all. In fact, it’s your duty as a woman to eek every bit of lifeblood that you possibly can out of your husband. After all, he did have sex with you, right? Once that happens, his rights go out the window. He becomes nothing more that an ATM machine for you. I suggest getting a good lawyer, perhaps one that has a vendetta against your ex who would be willing to take your case for free. Then do whatever it takes to get all that you can from him. If he threatens to sue you for custody, don’t worry about that. The courts never give men custody, or any rights. In the courts’ views, you are blameless, put up on a pedestal, and the so-called “man” is a pig, a deadbeat. The judge probably won’t even let him tell his side of the story. Has he been paying, until the sheriff’s officers put a levy on everything that he uses to make a living? Too bad. He’s the man, he’s a nonentity. Don’t worry yourself. You’re the woman, you will be victorious, as it should be. Sounds fair to me!
I have been married for 3 years. I love my wife, but I find myself feeling more and more resentful of our lifestyle. I work hard-lots of overtime-at a job that I hate, and my wife, while she does use my income to pay the bills, she also spends most of her time shopping for curtains, shoes, and something called “hobo bags”, although she has a closet full of purses and pocketbooks that she never uses. When we married, we agreed that she would stay home to take care of the house, and eventually the kids, but she doesn’t think “it’s the right time” for children yet. When I come home, she’s polishing her nails in front of the Women’s Entertainment channel, and is now talking about buying a larger, more elaborate home! Should I confront her, and suggest that maybe she could start to pull her own weight by getting her own job?
Lacking in Lakeview
Dear Lacking,
You need to ask yourself a question before you drop this bombshell: How much do you enjoy vagina? Sure, you could suggest that she gets a job, but I guarantee her vagina will be off limits to you, and it will eventually lead you to divorce court. In that case, she will end up with the house, half your salary, her hobo bags, copious shoes, curtains, and maybe even your car, which seems more than fair to me.
Dear Dr. Anna,
I live in Maine and would like receive child support from my husband (I refuse to give him a divorce), even though two of our children are adults. I know if I do this, it will be an amount that will be a serious strain on his lifestyle, and honestly, I don’t need the money, especially for the grown children. Do you consider this to be unethical?
Malicious in Maine
Dear Malicious,
No, it’s not unethical at all. In fact, it’s your duty as a woman to eek every bit of lifeblood that you possibly can out of your husband. After all, he did have sex with you, right? Once that happens, his rights go out the window. He becomes nothing more that an ATM machine for you. I suggest getting a good lawyer, perhaps one that has a vendetta against your ex who would be willing to take your case for free. Then do whatever it takes to get all that you can from him. If he threatens to sue you for custody, don’t worry about that. The courts never give men custody, or any rights. In the courts’ views, you are blameless, put up on a pedestal, and the so-called “man” is a pig, a deadbeat. The judge probably won’t even let him tell his side of the story. Has he been paying, until the sheriff’s officers put a levy on everything that he uses to make a living? Too bad. He’s the man, he’s a nonentity. Don’t worry yourself. You’re the woman, you will be victorious, as it should be. Sounds fair to me!
04/09: Dear Dr. Anna
Dear Dr. Anna,
My 11-year-old son has been invited to a birthday party. There will be ice cream and cake served at this party. I take pride in giving my child healthful foods. I have forbid my child from going to the party. My son is rebelling against my decision, and I would appreciate it if you could say a few words on fatty, sugary snacks. If you could also address the parent hosting the party on how important it is to have healthy snacks available for guests, it would be greatly appreciated.
Healthy in Hoboken
Dear Healthy,
Yes, sugary and fatty foods on a regular basis are not good for you-or your child’s health. What you are talking about is one evening of your child eating ice cream and cake with friends like a normal child. I believe there is much more harm in forbidding him to go, and making him feel like an outsider, then to allow him to enjoy himself at this party. I have never, in all my years of practice, had anyone with a negative health reaction to one night of overindulgence. You have a choice. You can visit your kid in 5 years, and sure he’ll be physically healthy, but he’ll be in a mental institution and completely insane from your extreme overprotectiveness. Lighten up. Let the kid have some harmless fun. Out of curiosity, do you give out pennies or apples on Halloween?
My 11-year-old son has been invited to a birthday party. There will be ice cream and cake served at this party. I take pride in giving my child healthful foods. I have forbid my child from going to the party. My son is rebelling against my decision, and I would appreciate it if you could say a few words on fatty, sugary snacks. If you could also address the parent hosting the party on how important it is to have healthy snacks available for guests, it would be greatly appreciated.
Healthy in Hoboken
Dear Healthy,
Yes, sugary and fatty foods on a regular basis are not good for you-or your child’s health. What you are talking about is one evening of your child eating ice cream and cake with friends like a normal child. I believe there is much more harm in forbidding him to go, and making him feel like an outsider, then to allow him to enjoy himself at this party. I have never, in all my years of practice, had anyone with a negative health reaction to one night of overindulgence. You have a choice. You can visit your kid in 5 years, and sure he’ll be physically healthy, but he’ll be in a mental institution and completely insane from your extreme overprotectiveness. Lighten up. Let the kid have some harmless fun. Out of curiosity, do you give out pennies or apples on Halloween?
21/06: Dr. Anna
Dear Dr. Anna,
My teenage daughter insists that she’s fat, although
she’s quite thin. She doesn’t eat most of the time and
when she does, she eats a few leaves of lettuce or a
carrot. What should I do?
Worried in Winona
Dear Worried,
It’s refreshing to read that you are concerned about
your daughter’s well-being. First, make sure she
drinks plenty of water. Then remind her that humans
have lived over 30 days without food and that she
shouldn’t give up. Don’t ever call her fat, (that’s
just plain mean), but little comments now and then,
such as, “have you put on a little weight?” will keep
her on track.
My teenage daughter insists that she’s fat, although
she’s quite thin. She doesn’t eat most of the time and
when she does, she eats a few leaves of lettuce or a
carrot. What should I do?
Worried in Winona
Dear Worried,
It’s refreshing to read that you are concerned about
your daughter’s well-being. First, make sure she
drinks plenty of water. Then remind her that humans
have lived over 30 days without food and that she
shouldn’t give up. Don’t ever call her fat, (that’s
just plain mean), but little comments now and then,
such as, “have you put on a little weight?” will keep
her on track.
21/06: This Show Stinks
“The Five Senses” at Gallery 50 engages one sense in particular, because this show really stinks.
Before you walk into Gallery 50, you will see a collaborative piece in the window, “Scent II”, placed above a real bag of trash that is spilled out onto the gallery floor. This is a genius image to open with, and gives you an idea of what to expect.
Opposite the window containing their trash, you will see Carl Johnson’s “Sometimes A Cigar...”, a large painting that depicts a martini. When a reporter and a reporter’s friend is asked over to the house of two artists to do a review of their upcoming exhibit, it would be polite for the artists to offer the invited couple a beer. I’m just saying. Below Johnson’s painting is Johnson’s beer keg, probably the reason the reporter had to drink second-rate wine on their recent visit.
Before you walk into Gallery 50, you will see a collaborative piece in the window, “Scent II”, placed above a real bag of trash that is spilled out onto the gallery floor. This is a genius image to open with, and gives you an idea of what to expect.
Opposite the window containing their trash, you will see Carl Johnson’s “Sometimes A Cigar...”, a large painting that depicts a martini. When a reporter and a reporter’s friend is asked over to the house of two artists to do a review of their upcoming exhibit, it would be polite for the artists to offer the invited couple a beer. I’m just saying. Below Johnson’s painting is Johnson’s beer keg, probably the reason the reporter had to drink second-rate wine on their recent visit.
22/04: Ask Dr. Anna
Hi, I’m Dr. Anna. I’m not a real doctor, but I pretend to be one in chat rooms. In the back of my mind, I always knew that someday I would find myself involved in an endeavor with the word “underground” in it. So now, through this fine underground newspaper, my dreams have been realized and I’m here to answer your health questions.
Dear Dr. Anna,
My wife and I are having a disagreement over medical care for our child. Every time our son gets a cold or flu, my wife takes him to the doctor and he is prescribed medication. I have a problem with the overuse of antibiotics. I believe that if they are used for small illness that will clear up on their own
in a few days, future generations will face worse viruses that are resistant to antibiotics. What is your opinion?
Enough is Enough
Dear Enough,
Here’s an analogy for you: Wouldn’t you consider someone a little “off” if they worried about global warming, foreign oil, or disappearing forests for future generations? Seems a little strange to me. You’d rather your child be sick for an extra day to help some dude that will live a hundred years from
now? Personally, I think every child should take an antibiotic everyday, sick or not, to avoid illness. Live for today and maybe YOU should be the one to see a doctor.
Dear Dr. Anna,
My wife and I are having a disagreement over medical care for our child. Every time our son gets a cold or flu, my wife takes him to the doctor and he is prescribed medication. I have a problem with the overuse of antibiotics. I believe that if they are used for small illness that will clear up on their own
in a few days, future generations will face worse viruses that are resistant to antibiotics. What is your opinion?
Enough is Enough
Dear Enough,
Here’s an analogy for you: Wouldn’t you consider someone a little “off” if they worried about global warming, foreign oil, or disappearing forests for future generations? Seems a little strange to me. You’d rather your child be sick for an extra day to help some dude that will live a hundred years from
now? Personally, I think every child should take an antibiotic everyday, sick or not, to avoid illness. Live for today and maybe YOU should be the one to see a doctor.
